I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
