She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
