my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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