Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
