onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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