I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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