Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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