So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
