here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
