hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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