She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
