i jhust puked up my retainher.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
