he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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