if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
