Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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