So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
