So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
this hospital has no fireball
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
