Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize