I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
