That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
