i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
North Korea, Best Korea!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
