Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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