I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
