Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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