Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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