aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize