her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
