Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
