It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
