walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
