Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
