White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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