Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
