like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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