bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
