i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
