No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
