Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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