I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
