She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it hurts more in the daytime
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two words: blizzard sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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