Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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