I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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