I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
