she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
