I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
