All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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