And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize