I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
