Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We got so high we made milksteak
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
