Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
