its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
