I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
