The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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