you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
