Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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