if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
