If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
