if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
