Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
