Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
