Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
