So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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