She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
