Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
