did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
