I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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