i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
