One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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