My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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