literally had 100 drinks last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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