She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
