I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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