yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize