someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
