where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
