Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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