He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
