Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize