I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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